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Boscutti Report — Barnaby Joyce

Joyce eats hat

Barnaby Joyce

 ARMIDALE (Boscutti Report) — Barnaby Joyce has announced his resignation as Nationals Leader and Deputy Prime Minister after weeks of fallout over his affair with a former staffer and now partner, Vikki Campion, who is pregnant with his child. Mr Joyce saw his support diminish after the revelation on Thursday night that a sexual harassment complaint had been made against him to the country-based National Party, the junior slightly backward partner in the ruling Liberal-National Coalition. Keeping to his word that if he resigned he would eat his hat, Mr Joyce munched on his trademark Akubra at a live...

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Morrison approves sex with contractors

Barnaby Joyce Malcolm Turnbull Scott Morrison

CANBERRA (Boscutti Report) — Treasurer Scott Morrison has been called on to assure voters after a fallout between Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Deputy Prime Minister and National Party Leader Barnaby Joyce following Mr Joyce’s affair with a senior staffer. ‘The issue is about standards,’ he said. ‘This is about having sex with one of your staff when you’re a person of power and influence as a minister.’ Mr Morrison said the solution was to move ministerial staffers from paid employment to independent contracts. ‘As independent contractors they have no rights or benefits whatsoever,’ he said. ‘So you can fuck...

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Turnbull bans sex with Joyce

Barnaby Joyce Malcolm Turnbull

SYDNEY (Boscutti Report) — Prime minister Malcolm Turnbull will move to ban any sexual relationships between National Party Leader Barnaby Joyce and anyone. ‘To say that Barnaby thinks with his dick is a major understatement,’ he said. ‘Look, it’s going to be far better for everyone if he just keeps it in his pants for a while.’ Mr Turnbull’s decision came after the pair met face-to-face in an attempt to resolve the damaging public crisis engulfing the Coalition. The pair are understood to have met about midday for more than an hour.

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Joyce tells Turnbull to ‘fuck off’

Barnaby Joyce Malcolm Turnbull

CANBERRA (Boscutti Report) — The fractured relationship between the Coalition leaders has lurched into a full-blown political crisis with Deputy Prime Minister and National Party Leader Barnaby Joyce labelling Prime Minister’s comments ‘hurtful’ and ‘inconsiderate’, while declaring he has no plans to step down. A defiant Joyce took aim at Mr Turnbull’s character assessment of him from the day before, accusing Turnbull of bringing further damage to the government, and inviting further media scrutiny. He also openly defied Mr Turnbull’s coded request he step down from the leadership of the National Party, telling the Liberal leader to stay out of...

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Turnbull bans ministers from having unprotected sex with staff

Barnaby Joyce Malcolm Turnbull

CANBERRA (Boscutti Report) — Prime minister Malcolm Turnbull will move to ban unprotected sexual relationships between ministers and their staff, in response to a scandal which has engulfed Deputy Prime Minister and National Party Leader Barnaby Joyce. Mr Turnbull announced the ban at the end of a parliamentary week dominated by controversy over Joyce’s relationship with a former staffer, Vikki Campion, the end of Joyce’s 24-year marriage, and Campion’s pregnancy. Mr Turnbull said his deputy’s ‘shocking error of judgment’ and subsequent ‘world of woe’ for the women in his life could have been avoided with the use of condoms. ‘Look,...

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